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Monday, 24 August 2015

Trentham, Hem Heath, Stoke, and Wedgwood. - All the Weaves!

It's no secret that I have an avid interest in local history, and folklore, to readers who habitually read my blog. I often find myself lost in awe and wonder at the background that serves as a basis for some of the roots that foundate my heritage to this area. It often feels like a lot of things just interweave and connect on such a huge cosmic scale, that's it's almost meant to be.

When I was younger, I lived in Shelton, and then in Cobridge. I often use to hang out in Etruia, and Festival park, which were about a fifteen minute walk from both areas. I found it absolutely fascinating to come across various plaques that would be inscribed with interesting quirks and anecdotes about the history of the area. In Etruia Park, I learned that a huge segment of it had once belonged to the Garden Festival. A festival which was wildly known across the land, and brought across a lot of tourist activity. The entirety of festival park was nothing but a huge fantastical garden, with both sculptures of amazing art, and plants from homeland and across seas galore. Some of it still remains, and some of it was removed for the creation of the shopping segment. A lot of it was either moved to Trentham Gardens or Biddulph Grange - the two nearest fancy tourist attracting gardens around. 

There's something eagerly refreshing about taking a stroll through what is left of the festival park nature reserve. You can almost feel the history of the place linger in the air. Coming across old segments of stone and plants that were once part of a bigger scenic picture brings to light just how much the area has changed drastically over the years. Of course the good ol' Etruia Hall - a great manor that once belonged to our local potter Josiah Wedgwood, still remains, and is incorporated as part of the nearby hotel. Centuries before the area was converted into a massive scenic garden, it was owned by Wedgwood, with a pottery factory and residential area for his workers having been built by his say so. But alas, the second world war seemingly changed all that with a lot of his works and whatever being moved into storage and then later to Barlaston. 

Back to my original point, I find it absolutely titillating that so much of my own history, of my own life time seems to loop around and find connections through various things. I partially grew up in Shelton, not far from Etruia. I went on to graduate University at Trentham Gardens - a place where some of the old Festival Park Garden festival plants and such had been moved to. Trentham Gardens itself also had connections with Wedgwood (which had evident linkings in with Festival park/Etruia), but it also has connections with John Joule - a local brewer who purchased Oulton Abbey, a building which was not far off from the Trentham Estate. 


Intriguingly, not long after graduating, I found myself working at The Glebe, in Stoke, an old public house which has, in later years, been taken over by the Joules brewery. A brewery based in or near Drayton that still uses the old Abbey's supply of natural mineral water to create their three title ales, Pale Ale, Joule's Blonde, and Slumbering Monk. I have to say, that personally I find the Monk to be the preferred ale of them all, a sweeter yet deeper, darker coloured ale with hints of nut and caramel at its core. 





There I am with a half pint of the monk on a night out, as well as some sneaky photos from the same night out with a couple of old friends. Sometimes, I find myself missing those nights of going to an ale house, drinking a couple of pints (sometimes of just water or cordial) and playing munchkins or some other board game. Also connecting all these little tidbits, is the fact that Wedgwood is buried in Stoke cemetery - a cemetery that is literally across the road from The Glebe. Intriguingly, The Glebe is also apparently haunted, though in all honesty I've never really so much as felt a chill that could be mistaken as a ghost, whilst I was there. Though, the building itself does hold such a lot of history, with one old chap telling me how he took a girl on date well back in the thirties or forties, and the part where the entrance leads to now, apparently looked like a waiting room with wooden benches lined up against the wall. The other entrance leading to the main bar area. Whether this old man's memory of the place is legit or not I can't be sure of, but I still found it highly interesting to hear such things. 





I'd already mentioned that I graduated at Trentham Garden, haven't I? Well in some weird twist of fate, I have found myself back there, not once, but twice. For two separate jobs - one in the garden centre, and another in the shopping village. Yet again, I find it intriguing how it all seems to just weave together. I also find it intriguing how I never bumped into any of the people I later worked with in the village prior to working with them, since I used to spend a lot of my early finishes wondering around the village, in avoidance of going home to my ex. It's almost as if, even though the weaves were in motion, they were not quite sewn together properly yet. I suppose, timing is absolutely vital. I spent a lot of my time during that time also walking through the same walk way that I would rewalk through years later too. Here's some pictures just to give a refreshing idea of just how scenic  that route was. 







Since the initial time of working in a job at the Trentham Estate, I spent a couple of days wondering around the woodland at the back of the estate, climbing up to the very top and looking down at the remainder of the area - being able to see a large selection of Stoke on Trent, and some of Newcastle under Lyme also. Here is an absolutely adorable picture of me in a cute little owl beanie hat from the highest point that I could get to:

 I would spend my days off, and evenings after work, wondering through the Hem Heath Woods with a friend. When I lost my first job there, that was also how I would spend my days off. Wondering through the woods, coming across the pond and admiring the beautiful scenery and natural wildlife of the area. To my suprise, the woods seemed to extend further each time, at one point we came out at a clearing that I now know to be the World of Wedgwood, and at another time, we came out on a farmers field. We spent the remainder of the night trying to find the way back in the pitch black darkness of midnight, going across country lanes and hoping we wouldn't get hit by any passing vehicles.

And in a way, all that, coming up at the random clearing of where World of Wedgwood is, has lead up to the point in my life of now - the other day I found myself visiting the World of Wedgwood site, and was blown away with just how magnificently huge and historically filled the place is.  Prior to my visit to the site, however, I'd written up notes on Wedgwood. Because the huge history nerd in me feels compelled to just handwrite things every now and again :)








Saturday, 22 August 2015

Friday, 14 August 2015

Never True (2013) [Poem]

Context: This was written two years ago at the fall back of a relationship. I had started looking through his phone to look for signs he was cheating, part of me wanted him to be so that I could have what I thought was a legit reason to leave him, but a part of me also thought that cheating would have explained all the odd behaviour. I was working my ass off, coming home, cooking and cleaning, but I'd still find time to try to spend it with him. But all he could do was play video games, saying it helped him to de-stress. There comes to a point where you realise the person you fell in love with never existed. All the promises of always having your back, and always being a phone call away are bullshit. The person who claimed to be into history, walking and adventure is just a lazy bastard who put on a show in order to impress you. I think it shocks people that I don't peacock, so they don't understand why it hurts that they have done so. It's deceitful, and it feels like a betrayal. You let this person in, trust them, assuming who they are to be true. But they aren't. 
There was always the same excuse of 'anxiety'. I appreciate mental health issues exist, but when you see that those issues are affecting those around you, you go and get help. You stop hurting the people you supposedly love and you swallow your pride. You become a man. It isn't easy, it's not supposed to be. I wrote this at the time. I started going the museum and on canal walks with a male friend, and you know when you start realising you have more in common with a platonic friend than someone you're in a 'relationship' with that everything is just falling apart. You start realising there's more out there. If you can have more of a connection with someone who's platonic, then there will be someone out there who just gets you, your quirks, and everything. Your good and bad. I'm not a maid, I'm no one's mother. I have a voice. And I'm so sick of people shitting all over that. This is not a show, I'm not trying to be quirky for the sake of sexual allure, this is just who I am. 
I call people out, because no one ever pushes themselves if they're not. I give chances, at the default of hurling myself into whirlwinds of emotion and heartbreak. It's not like I don't communicate because I do, I say exactly how I'm feeling. And I'm always hit with the 'I need space'. Which to me, is a cop out, it's their way of saying 'I can't man up enough to care about your feelings so I'm gonna hook up with an ex, or keep pushing you away until you break up with me'. Anyway, this, is what I wrote.

You know the things you say
constantly hurt me
You do everything to push me away
Always unaccomplished, never satisfied.

I say that I care
I'll look out for your health
I'll always be there 
I don't care about your wealth
But I don't feel a fairytale coming
Because you make it hard to love you
and I'm afraid that I'll go running

You placed up all these boulders, 
that I have to crash right through
I can't beat the strain on my shoulders
when I've been repeating this to you
I don't have the strength to stand this fight
and I'm afraid that this love just isn't right

I gave so many chances
and I'm just left here hurt
Your attitude always enhances
that you can't see what I'm worth

My hands are bloody,
my soul's beaten blue
I thought we were fixed together
But I guess that was never true.

I guess there are some people out there that fixate more on whether they're fat or not, whether they've got high scores or not, than on actually looking out for you the way you look out for them. 

All I want is to lie in a field, barefoot, reading the fortean times, being heard, and not shut off. I want grocery shopping, I want washing dishes, I want little playfull arguments over who watches what on the TV. I want stimulation. I want adventure. I want life . I want LOVE. 

Crushed lighthouse

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED
is all that we yearn
Oatcakes, and angels 
but we never learn

A lighthouse in the storm
is what we swim to
but what is it all for
if you don't  even know you

where it is your heart lies
what's truth and what's lies
can't seem to make up your mind
there's no logic to find

I'm just a face in the sea
drowning in all a pool of cess
I feel no worth in me
because of a she who rhymes with less

because of he who rhymes with treason
a betrayal was committed
and my confidence is bust
my strength in me has wilted.

The light in me has gone, and I'm exhausted with this fight
If someone longs for me, then they can do what is right.



Thursday, 13 August 2015

Untitled Poem (2015)

I look in the mirror 
I don't like what I see
Too fat, too lumpy
and stretch marks all over me

I know I should be grateful

for the things that I have
but lately I'm been feeling too sad
A smile that is forced
hardly seems true
a laugh that is tainted
I don't know what to do.

I look in the mirror

and I want to rip off my face
because I lack beauty and brains
I'm no scientist. I feel a disgrace.

I'm a disappointment to all that I know

or at least that's how I feel 
I miss my light, and my glow.

I want to scratch at my stretch marks

and the temptation is there
no amount of make up, or clothes
can fix this grotesque stare

Just a blot on this earth who is losing her voice

 And I'm ebbing away without any choice.

Wednesday, 12 August 2015

The Pretty Little Liars Finale

So I watched the Pretty Little Liars finale earlier today, and I'm majorly disappointed. 

For those who don't know what PLL is, imagine the drama of Red John in the Mentalist, mixed with the cattiness of how girls behave in a show like The vampire Diaries or 90210. 
Also, imagine those 'girls' being played by early 20 somethings, except for the main protagonist, who is indeed played by her age. 

This show has been on the air for like the last five years or so, and the whole premise is based on a 13 year old girl - who happens to be a bully, and a bit of a manipulative bitch to those around her - goes missing. Fast forward to a year later, and a body is dug up and assumed to be this girl (Alison). This causes her four bffs, Hannah (a girl who used to be fat, and bullied by Alison), Aria (a quirky girl who used to put streaks in her hair, is still quirky but more 'mature' with it), Spencer (a girl who suffers from some form of anxiety pill addiction, is very scholastic), and Emily (a sporty girl who was bullied by Alison for having a lesbian crush on her, had her head screwed about with by Alison by having her feelings for her manipulated) to band together for this girl's funeral.

Over the next couple of seasons we see these four friends get constant texts from a mysterious 'A', who happens to know a lot on them, and uses it to get them to do their bidding. They end up in lethal situations and this is at the same time as trying to find out who killed their 'friend'. During this time, as viewers we get to see flashbacks that reveal more of the girls personalities. It turns out that, under Alison's supposed influence, these girls had caused a firework to explode in someone's bedroom, blinding a girl who was having sex with her step brother. The step brother was blackmailed into taking the fall for it. This step brother comes out of jail, and is avoided by everyone. He gets close to Emily, and they all start to think he's the mysterious 'A'. They all then realise he isn't, then Spencer develops a crush and falls in love. Aria has an affair with her English teacher who apparently didn't realise she was a minor but truly fell in love with her so continued to see her. We find out that Alison blackmailed Aria's Dad over an affair he was having with a University student. Aria's parents separate. Aria's Dad's fling/new partner tries to poison Aria, is mentally unstable. Emily's almost drowned by a in the closet lesbian who was is played my Mosely from Ned's Declassified School survival, her girlfriend is then murdered by her ex who came down to Rosewood to find her. She grieves for like six weeks, then hooks up with the girl who tried to drown her. Hannah is desperate to lose her virginity and tries to do so with her pastor son boyfriend, who rejects her. She then falls for 'bad lad' Caleb, who is actually a sweetheart. After all of this, we discover that the person giving the girls hell is no other than Mona, a girl who was bullied for being a 'nerd' by Alison, and after her disappearance became best friends with Hannah. She's jealous and angry, and turns out to be mentally ill. 

Then season three, and Hannah is visiting Mona, trying to get closure on why her ex bff tried to kill them at different times. Mona is high on meds, and is convinced she's talking to Alison in the hospital. The texts then begin again, other creepy weird shit happens. Turns out Mona is escaping the hospital and is working for an 'Uber A', with Spencer's boyfriend in tow. More weird shit, and then Spencer has a break down convinced the love her life is evil. She ends up in the hospital that Mona has been released from, turns out Mona had stolen her place on the scholastic team. During this season we are introduced to a girl called CeCe who claims to have been Alison's older bff, and ex girlfriend of Jason (Alison's older brother). She becomes friends with these girls and reveals that Alison had a boyfriend who she thought got her pregnant. Alison started hanging out with College kids, and was still being a bad ass whilst going on misadventures with CeCe. During this season we assume about three different people to be 'A'. During the end of the series, we realise that the girl buried in Alison's grave isn't her, and that Alison is still alive. The girls get saved from a burning fire at the end, and we realise that Mona was just trying to find out who this Uber A was and was addicted to playing the game.

The next season we discover that Aria's teacher boyfriend is the guy that made Alison think she was pregnant, and that he was so interested in Alison's disappearance that he had taken it upon himself to write a book on it, in order to do this he needed to befriend the girls. This breaks Aria's heart, but also shows that he's actually a paedophile of sorts - he knew their ages, he knew them, but still pursued a relationship with Aria. There's a lot of relationship issues going on, more near deaths, and near unmaskings of 'A'. A lot of relationship up and downs go on and then at the end we find out that Alison is absolutely alive and has been on the run out of fear for the fact that someone did kill her. Oh and spencer's boyfriend completed police school in like a week, and is now a cop too.

The next series goes on about Alison's bullshit of what happened during her disappearance, why she faked her death, didn't come forward as the missing person, etc. We find out that the girl in her grave is Bethany Young, a girl who had escaped from the mental hospital. But we discover that Alison had been buried alive but saved and escaped and went on the run, because she was buried by her mother, so figured her mum knew her attempted killer. Oh and Mona is 'murdered', and Alison is charged with her murder, and then the rest of the girls are too... And then the police van is hijacked, and the girls kidnapped and end up in a massive technologically advanced life size doll house with rooms identical to their real ones. Oh and now Mona is alive. They are tortured by this 'A'. As this goes on a guy they went school with is assumed to be their tormentor and is arrested. They then discover that A is no other than a mysterious sibling that Alison had, a brother who is supposedly about eight years old. Spencer feels a kinship with him. Fast forward they are rescued and a girl who went missing about the same time as Alison is rescued with them.

Everyone knows Alison has an older sibling, and it's uncovered he was sent to a mental institute for almost killing Alison as a baby. Jason was old enough to remember him, but was told it was his imaginary friend who had moved away. They find old family photos, etc. All sad stuff. A lot of more weird stuff happens, Emily, who's girlfriend moved away due to getting sick of the A shit, is now dating the girl who was saved with them. More creepy near death things happen, and the grand finale reveals that Alison's older mentally ill brother is now, her older sister. And did everything she did to get close to Alison. Also, shock - horror - this new sister turns out to be no other than Cece - yes the same girl who dated her brother. She was just playing with the girls as her 'dolls', and apparently 'loves' them all. She comes close to killing herself but then suggestively surrenders to the police. Oh and the A helper, Red Coat, is the girl who was rescued that Emily was dating, and Emily punches her. 

I'm a little irked at this 'reveal'. Many people suspected the whole transgender story line, but I thought it was just a a really dramatic leap. Also, why have it be a girl who dated her brother, and was able to keep up the act of being a completely different person all this time? She was used as a red herring, and an assumed A before, it just feels redundant and a bit of a waste of the last five years to be honest. Maybe, I've just outgrown it, or maybe the show has just hit a new point of desperation. There's been so many twists, and turns, and it has been enjoyable. But the 'twist' was so obvious, yet dramatic, that it just feels like a let down. Also, it makes no sense. Why did no one ever section her since even after the sex change she was clearly mentally disturbed? oh also, she hit Alison over the head thinking she was the girl from the mental health place who had escaped. Hence why her mum tried to cover it up. Granted you see all the emotions that Cece, Charlotte, goes through now. But it's also really revolting that she made out with her brother, and caused so much mayhem all these years instead of redeeming her supposed murder of her sister, and just making amends.


SIGHHHHHH! 

Friday, 7 August 2015

Religious travellers.

Yesterday as I was on the bus back home, I noticed a couple of Latter Day Saints get on the bus.

They're a type of Mormon.

This wouldn't be the first time I'd acknowledged these types of evangelists before. 


In fact about six months ago, when I was in the bus station, I was talking to two sisters - one was German, the other American - and we actually had a nice conversation about anime, and various TV shows. I think that people forget that they're actually still just young people with interests, who also happen to have a religion that encourages them to travel the world and spread word. 

I actually find it fascinating, and excellent. They told me how even though God was at the forefront of their mind, they still were allowed to participate in regular young adult activities, like dating, and going the cinema, etc. I'm actually all for evangelists being able to travel the world, even if it is to spread faith, because it gives them an excellent opportunity to see more of what's out there and get a better grip of the world. 

Sure, it can get annoying for some when they talk to you. The whole having random strangers talk to you is hardly appreciated by quite a lot of the British public. But, in fairness, all of the people I spoke to, barely mentioned their religion at all - except in regards of when mentioning what brought them to the U.K. If it wasn't for the fact they had badges on with their name and church on, they'd have blended in with a lot of other tourists. 

I think, people seem to forget that there's a difference between someone screaming at you in the middle of a busy town that all single mums will burn in hell, premarital sexers will burn in hell, people who dye their hair will burn in hell, etc, and someone who just has a basic conversation with you, and hands you a leaflet at the end of it. 

The two guys who had got on my bus yesterday, had an A-Z map with them and no clear idea where they were going. They'd told me they'd only been in England for one day, so I'd shown them the stop they'd need to get off at, and advised that maybe they install a GPS onto their phones since the A-Z maps aren't always accurate to modern day routes. It was actually quite impressive that two lads, one nineteen years old, the other twenty years old, from completely different countries had the guts to just travel around in a country they'd never been before.

That idea terrifies me greatly, plus I'd have no one to do it with. So, religious or not I thoroughly support such a thing. It actually annoys me that a lot of people get angry with evangelists, if you're so comfortable with your own faith, or lack of faith, then what is the harm in listening to someone else talk about theirs? Are you really that insecure with your own beliefs that you're worried you'll get swayed? Do people actually truly believe that we can lose all our own morals, and who we are at the cure due to a religion? Because, I doubt that. Your morals, your choices, are based on you, and not a religion, cult, or anything - it's stuff you've decided to do, for yourself. Don't let anyone else make you think otherwise. If you're the sort who's worried you might do something just to fit in, or whatever, then you should probably look on to your own mental health. Your choice should be yours, always. 

Which brings me on to another thing, the absolute ignorance of people who are clearly so afraid to keep their mind open that they perceive having faith in a God, to be a form of mental illness. It's full on insulting. Sure, things like temporal lobe epilepsy, and alcoholism, and schizophrenia, can cause hallucinations -  but there's a massive difference between having hallucinations and just having faith in a God. We don't know what is out there, and yes, science and empirical based logic should come into making an informed decision, but there should also be an awareness that having faith is also very much a big part of human nature. How is it any different than putting faith in the people around you to come through? If believing in a higher being helps you to not go out on murdering sprees, and be a fully functioning human being who isn't a harm to others, then honestly what is the issue? You can't dictate to people what their beliefs are, any more than you can their ethics, or diet choice. 

Sunday, 2 August 2015

keeping score [poetry]

A relationship is an investment, but sometimes you don't get what you put in returned 
often you give too much hope and faith and then you result in getting burned
yet you would never have invested  if you weren't sure with all your heart 
so you don't give up the fight, and you don't stop trying really hard

and if you've given everything, and your all
and if it still blows up
then at least you know the fault isn't yours

because what is a trust built on more than keeping score?