How losing you has made me feel
Do I start with how much I loved you?
Because I don't think that love can possibly equate to a measurement.
Do I admit that when I first knew you'd go I was scared to be around you
Scared to look you in the eye
Terrified of loving you to only lose you.
I wasn't prepared for this.
For any of this.
Do I talk about how like a feline you were
You could just fold up
You were like a baby
Always wanting to be picked up
Snuggled, held, and loved.
How when you were walked you'd have to be at the front
How you wrestled with the other dogs to be outside first
How you were the baby despite being older
How annoying it was to hear you bark
But how I'd do anything to hear that sound again.
You were so tiny, always fragile.
I wish I'd hugged you more
I wish I hadn't wasted so much time with nobheads
when that could've been time spent with you.
How do I put into words the extent of how much you meant to me
I'm trying my best to get through each day
but there's this dull ache in my heart
I'm lashing out at people around me
because I don't want to lose another person.
Because that's what you were, you were my friend.
For someone with anxiety, you were a hero.
When the world judged me for crying after a 15 hour shift
or for crying because I'd lost a pen
you never judged, would just nuzzle your nose
and like every other dog, your love was pure.
Six years old is way too young.
I don't know how to express this hurt
Or how to go back in time and make sure you knew you were loved.
And that love will never go.
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