[Poetry] Goodbye my old friend (2009/10)

 Context: Because being on and off with a semi-platonic friendship of a girl that made you realise your sexuality is quite fluid to the point of it being external to gender really can cause a lot of hurt when you make the decision to walk away after five years. Some things become inappropriate even without a label, and more confusing that way.

Through all the ups and downs we've had
I believed we were to last
You were my friend- I believed in you
I believed what you said was true
Obviously I was so totally damn wrong
I know, because this friendship hasn't lasted so long
I listened to you, you listened to me
But it was all false, now I can see

 Although you used to hurt me, in the deepest wayI 
thought you were gonna be there, every day

I tried my best to help, I heard you cries
But you pushed me away, you fed me lies
You tried your best to help, you stopped me from being dead
But how can you believe her, over what i said
You know you've, known me longer
You'd think our friendship, would make us stronger

 But I can see now, I was part of your cruel game
Now nothing, will ever go back to being the same

So I’m sorry my old friend
But this is clearly the end... 

[poetry] I should (2009)

I guess we’ve been falling out of touch 
With everything we once thought was ‘love’ 
I guess it was just a matter of time 
Before our motions stumbled and we fell 
And then our steps fell out of line 
Please, someone explain why it feels like Hell? 

I wanted to trust in anything that I thought was you 
To believe in the speech we shared, your words being untrue
I guess it was clearly painted across your doors
The feelings that were once there
Because it’s scarring right down to the core
And I hate to admit, I still care

The pain from your lies you’d buried in me
And although you’re gone, I’m still not Free
I wish it was easy to delete our history
Because I don’t want to be feeling what I shouldn’t be!

It’s pulling me down and I’m struggling to breathe
I just wish you’d fade, so I could continue at ease
It’s not likely to ever fix me back into a whole
You’ve scared me deep, cut into my soul
TOO many tears have been shed over you
If I could kick you in the groin, I would
Because I’m failing at wondering what else to do
And just because I can hate you, doesn’t mean I should do.