Way too egotistical.

So, let's just talk this through
about how I'm bitter you don't want me
in the same way in which I want you
and this makes me feel even more lonely

I know this is some form of self-obsession
I didn't set out with this narcissistic intention
and I guess when  I say I'm hating myself lately
I'm hating that I can't move past this intensity
of not understanding, of not gaining any clarity

I don't know how much of it was me hoping
or maybe just seeing something that wasn't there
I really don't know what I was thinking
expecting you to feel the same notion of care

I know this is some form of self-obsession
I didn't set out with this narcissistic intention
but when you told me I was beautiful
I didn't mean to mark it down as some sort of flirting
yet I did, the same when you said I was pretty, that I'm hot
I saw something in you that you could not
see in me
You were just being nice, but I thought it was something more
It really is rejection, and it's left me feeling sore

And I know I'm selfish, way too egotistical
for reading more into it that wasn't actually there
but I was confused, and I'd rather just hate myself
than delude myself into thinking you could ever care
I was advised to open up, to trust, and you seemed so kind
it's not your fault, of course, it really is mine
being nice doesn't mean that someone owes you
and I'm sorry, I don't know what the hell to do

I can't seem to comprehend
and I know I'm not a good friend
So let's not pretend
we began in that way that gave me hope
and that's why this hurts I guess
But I always knew you'd get bored, lose romantic interest
and even though I half-expected it
it was that ounce of hope that got me hurt
But apparently feeling this way is healthy
because feeling nothing was supposedly worse

And I know I'm selfish
Way too egotistical
I'm not meaning to be this way
I really do care about you
I just wish that hope hadn't been there in the first place
And I know this is a form of self-obsession
I never set out with this narcissistic intention.
I honestly just thought you were the sort to put walls up
and I was confident enough to think that I could get through
I'm an idiot, I realise that now. And I'm sorry if this bothers you.
But I hate myself, please, please just hate me too.