I don't get people. Stupid, stupid people.
Faith, where there is no heart.
Hope, where there is no care.
Isolated, and free that way.
'Heroes' do not flock to those in need
they look away.
Pain because there is trust.
Stupid people, Stupid people.
Give it up, Give it up.
You are simply too good for 'love'.
Context:
My ex told me he didn't believe in forever. It annoyed me beyond what it probably should have done. Not because I dislike feeling like a skipping stone, a rung on the ladder to what's better, but because feeling like a skipping stone to someone experiencing better is a better feeling that feeling like you're just a long line of the unattainable. It wasn't that he didn't believe in forever with me persay, it was the whole not believing in a forever with anything. Honestly, if there's no hope, what the hell is the point in there even being a try? May as well just roll out of bed each morning, get pissed and moan about people trying to cheer you up.... Oh wait, that's precisely what he did.
There are some people out there who are the Summers in the world, they want love and forever, and all that gay shit, but just not at that precise moment, or with that specific person. But they still want it, even if they're in denial. And then there are the Toms of the world, the people who try to force a feeling onto the nearest thing because they are so desperate to feel that forever, they're actually doing themselves more harm by not waiting it out. In all fairness, Summer was always abruptly honest with what it is she wanted at that precise moment, he just got a little lost in himself and seemed to forget who he actually was a little bit. And then there are the inbetween people. But there's also the small amount, or maybe the large amount (maybe I'm a rarity for having so much faith in something that has actually knocked me down quite a bit) who just really do not want anything to last. Like, ever. They want to flirt and kiss, and fuck people for the sake of it. They don't want an emotional bonding with another person, and they'll surround themselves with people who get pissed every single weekend, don't seem to step out in the day or eat anything but takeaway (The forever students kind of people) and will blame every single mistake they make on other people. My ex was most certainly one of those people, it would be nice to think that maybe one day he'll grow out of that, but I doubt it. He's too accustomed with getting away without consequences and refusing to feel guilt for anything he's actually caused. The sun has to shine out of his arse or life isn't worth living.
Basically, I had a lot of hope where there was no care returned, and I had a lot of faith where there was no heart there. He would call himself a hero, but never actually 'come to the rescue' so to speak. He just drained my energy, and sought out my strength with no consideration of sharing his own. In fact he used to yell at me for talking to him about my nightmares, (Wtf?), personally I think it's interesting to try to analyse your dreams, though sometimes they are just dreams. But, he said it was unusual that I would dream so much. Er, not really, quite common for someone as imaginative as me. So yeah, there was a lot of pain there, but I convinced myself that love hurts so it was okay, but the pain was there because he admitted that he would tell me things just to shut me up- it was essentially a lie, telling me what I want to hear to 'shut me up'. The fuck?! So yeah, that obviously means no trust. He told me he was too good to ever want to settle down, haha, and I started to convince myself that only monsters get the princess, so I convinced myself that even I was too good for so called love, or anything really for that matter,
Sometimes I wonder if any of my poetry would ever get published, so I like writing the backstory and context. It gives it a bit more flavour. And poetry can actually be taken in many ways by the audience, they can literally relate to it however, but I still like to point out whatever it was that would've inspired me to write it at the time.
Slowly releasing my old poetry, bit by bit, ahah.
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